Let’s just say that the last 10+ months have been quite the eye-opener for me. From navigating the newborn days to adjusting to Bryn’s ever-changing schedules, keeping up with this mini person has been tough. When she’s tired, over-tired, hungry, etc., I feel it. She tests my patience every day, reminds me of all my character flaws, and makes me work harder than I ever have before. Yes, I’m a bit drained and stressed, but I know it won’t be like this forever.
Maybe it won’t even be like this tomorrow. B’s growing so fast these days and I’m feeling pretty sensitive over losing my tiny, squishy baby. She’s becoming very independent, just as I had hoped, but this also means that I’m no longer needed in the same way :(
We didn’t even bother with sleep training – our little lady started sleeping through the night at around 5 months, and moved into her own room soon after. But for weeks, I’d pop out of bed thinking I heard her, these are apparently called ‘phantom cries’. Anyway, I thought I was going crazy, but deep down, I think I was just having a difficult time processing how easily she transitioned, how peacefully she slept on her own, and that she really didn’t need her mama by her side in order to relax.
Now as soon as she wakes up in the morning, this girl is go, go, go. Bryn’s all over the place, crawling, climbing, and pulling herself up on everything. Nothing is safe anymore and child-proofing has taken on a whole new meaning. She’ll crawl away from me, shoot a quick glance back, and even though I say, “no, no Bryn,” she gives me this huge grin and scampers even further away. My mom believes Bryn gets her sass from me. Karma.
Bryn’s also eating all kinds of food now, like real people food that she picks up and chews on her own. She only takes a bottle before going to sleep now, so I cherish those feedings. The ones where I can barely lay her long legs across my lap, with her feet dangling off the side of chair. I love that half an hour of sweetness when she’s calm enough for me to play with her hair as she drifts off to la la land. Even after B falls asleep, I’ve been rocking her just a little longer each night, thinking back to a time when sleeping was all she really did and cuddles were a given.
Today, making Bryn laugh is the best feeling in the world, hearing that giggle rumble up from the bottom of her belly, seeing that giant smile and all EIGHT of her big girl teeth, both melts and breaks my heart at the same time. My eyes water every time I pack away an outfit that no longer fits, or whenever she reaches for me with arms wide open, wrapping her little bitty hands around my neck.
So instead of fighting the discomforts or complaining about my lack of rest and free time, I’ve decided to savor the little. This means appreciating all of her babyness that I can already see fading. And holding on tight.